As a sleep consultant, one of the most common concerns I hear from parents is their fear about the emotional and psychological effects of sleep training. It’s completely natural to worry—after all, we all want to ensure our children feel loved, safe, and secure. But let me assure you, the research overwhelmingly supports the benefits of sleep training, and it’s often far less stressful for your child than the alternative: long-term sleep deprivation.
Let’s break this down, starting with what the research says about stress and sleep.
Stress During Sleep Training vs. Chronic Sleep Deprivation
When parents worry about sleep training, they often think about the short-term stress their baby or child might experience during the process. Some sleep training methods, particularly those involving graduated crying, can temporarily elevate a child’s cortisol levels (a stress hormone). However, studies show that these increases are mild and short-lived.
For example, a 2016 study published in Pediatrics found that common sleep training methods, including controlled crying and gradual retreat, were not associated with any long-term behavioral or emotional harm. By the end of the study, children who had undergone sleep training were just as securely attached to their parents as those who had not, and their stress levels normalized within a short time frame.
Contrast that with the effects of chronic sleep deprivation, which can lead to consistently elevated cortisol levels in children. Poor sleep disrupts the body’s natural stress-regulation systems, leading to problems like:
Increased irritability and mood swings
Difficulty focusing and learning
Reduced immune function
Delayed cognitive and emotional development
In other words, while the short-term stress of sleep training is temporary, the negative effects of chronic sleep deprivation can be far-reaching and long-lasting.
The Developmental Impact of Sleep Deprivation
Children need a certain amount of quality sleep to support their age-appropriate developmental milestones. Babies, for instance, spend a significant portion of their sleep in REM (rapid eye movement), a stage critical for brain development and memory processing. Sleep-deprived children are not only missing out on these essential growth opportunities but may also show signs of developmental delays.
Here’s a real-life example: Imagine a 9-month-old baby who wakes up every hour throughout the night. Their total sleep time is far below the recommended 12–15 hours per day. Not only will this baby struggle with daytime alertness and focus, but their brain’s ability to consolidate learning and emotional regulation will be compromised. This leads to a vicious cycle: poor sleep leads to fussier days, which makes it even harder for the baby to settle and sleep at night.
Now compare this to a baby who experiences two nights of controlled crying during sleep training. The first night might involve elevated cortisol levels, but by the third night, the baby is sleeping soundly and achieving the restorative sleep they desperately need. The short-term stress has paved the way for long-term emotional and physical health.
Stressful Situations That Are Far More Harmful
If you’re still feeling unsure, consider the other scenarios in a child’s life that cause much greater and longer-lasting stress:
A Sleep-Deprived Parent - When parents are consistently exhausted, they are more likely to struggle with patience, responsiveness, and emotional regulation. Children are incredibly attuned to their caregivers’ stress and can mirror these emotions, creating a cycle of heightened anxiety for everyone.
Daily Frustrations - A sleep-deprived child is more prone to meltdowns over small frustrations, like not getting the toy they want. These situations often escalate because the child lacks the emotional capacity to self-regulate, leading to more prolonged and intense stress than a brief sleep training process.
Chronic Overstimulation - Without adequate sleep, children often become overstimulated and wired, making it difficult for them to engage in calm, focused activities like reading or quiet play. Overstimulation is a stressor that can be far more disruptive to their well-being than the short-term stress of learning to self-soothe.
What Does the Evidence Say About Parent-Child Bonds?
Another common fear is that sleep training will harm the bond between parent and child. However, research has consistently shown that this is not the case. Studies, including the one mentioned earlier, have found no difference in attachment or emotional security between children who were sleep-trained and those who were not. Well-rested parents are better equipped to be emotionally present and attuned to their children’s needs.
How to Make Sleep Training Gentle and Effective
If you’re ready to tackle sleep training but still feel hesitant, consider these tips to make the process as gentle and supportive as possible:
Choose a Method That Feels Right for Your Family - From gradual withdrawal to shush pat, there’s a wide range of sleep training approaches. Pick one that aligns with your parenting philosophy and comfort level.
Be Consistent - Inconsistent responses during sleep training can confuse your child and prolong the process. A clear, predictable routine helps your child feel secure.
Provide Reassurance - Sleep training doesn’t mean abandoning your child. Many methods allow for comforting touch, soothing words, or brief check-ins to reassure your child that you’re still there.
Focus on the Bigger Picture - Remember, the ultimate goal of sleep training is to help your child develop healthy sleep habits that will benefit them for years to come.
A Message for Exhausted Parents
Parenting is hard, and navigating sleep challenges can feel overwhelming. But by giving your child the gift of healthy sleep, you’re setting them up for success—emotionally, physically, and developmentally. Sleep training is not about “tough love”; it’s about teaching your child an essential skill that will serve them throughout their life.
Help is on hand, and you are not alone in this - if you need any support, or have questions about sleep training that you would like answered, book an obligation-free sleep assessment, or WhatsApp me 07768124120.
Reference List
Gradisar, M., et al. (2016). Behavioral Interventions for Infant Sleep Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Pediatrics, 137(6), e20151486.
This study examined the effects of common sleep training methods, including controlled crying and gradual withdrawal, on infant stress, attachment, and long-term outcomes.
Mindell, J. A., & Owens, J. A. (2015). A Clinical Guide to Pediatric Sleep: Diagnosis and Management of Sleep Problems. Lippincott Williams & Wilkins.
A comprehensive guide on pediatric sleep, including the developmental impact of sleep deprivation and evidence-based interventions for improving sleep.
Middlemiss, W., et al. (2012). Asynchrony of Mother-Infant Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis Activity Following the Introduction of a Brief Behavioral Sleep Intervention. Early Human Development, 88(4), 227–232.
Explores cortisol responses in infants during sleep interventions and demonstrates the temporary nature of stress increases during sleep training.
Sadeh, A., et al. (2009). Infant Sleep Problems and Parental Sleep: Implications for Family Health. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(1), 74–81.
Discusses the impact of infant sleep problems on family dynamics, parental stress, and child development.
Scher, A. (2005). Infant Sleep at 10 Months of Age as a Window to Cognitive Development. Early Human Development, 81(3), 289–292.
Highlights the importance of sufficient sleep for infant brain development and cognitive milestones.
Tikotzky, L., & Sadeh, A. (2009). Maternal Sleep-Related Cognitions and Infant Sleep: A Longitudinal Study from Pregnancy Through the First Year. Child Development, 80(3), 860–874.
Investigates how maternal perceptions of infant sleep affect sleep training practices and outcomes.
Williamson, A. A., & Mindell, J. A. (2019). Crying It Out: The Science Behind Sleep Training. Journal of Pediatrics, 206, 2–4.
Reviews the psychological effects of various sleep training methods, concluding that sleep training poses no harm to attachment or emotional security.
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